To the readers of this post I am sorry if it gets ugly. Be warned its not to late to go read someone else's blog...

Yesterday I was broken up with. I have been in several relationships since I was old enough to date but I have been with cathrine for half of it (more than 2 years). I think she had every good reason to break up with me, I was told (in a matter of words) I am cold and uninviting. That is true but I didn't get a chance to explains why so I'm doing so now. I don't know for sure that I loved her, I know that there was something there I didn't feel for the everyday girl but there are other girls which I have know for a while but that I am not and have not been "with" that I feel much the same if not stronger about in that respect. It prompted me to wonder this morning when I woke up what exactly Love is... I know what its defined as "strong positive emotion of regard and affection." But love (according to Gordon B Hinckley) is an adventure. And when I was with Cathrine I didn't feel adventurous. I felt ...... Bored. Like I was missing something. Like we were missing part of the picture. Everyone has had a crush on someone before and (at least for a moment) were positive they felt the same way you. That is the fun part (as far as I can tell) of a relationship. I know its that antisipation that not knowing I think is better than the "love" I have professed to feel. In a way I don't think I know love yet. mabey next time? I have come to a crossing where I cant just let everyone in anymore because when people leave it hurts. I almost think it would be easier to not let anyone in because then no one can leave and I dont end up alone. but what do I know...

I go sunburnt today while working on my car, if it was just an obscure sunburn it would be one thing but no, I was replaceing the startermotor so I dont have to push start my car all the time and ya know what happened? The lower half of my body was hanging out from under the car and my shirt was un about 2 inches up because I was reaching above my head alot and it was just too much of a bother to keep pulling it down, now I have a sunburn on my stomach two inches tall and also I have a farmer tan on one arm because I was only using one arm to use the wrench..... :( GRRRRR Now Im a half farmer and backwards plummer and I cant get all the greese out from under my fingernails, I am not working on my car in the drivway anymore, its all grage work for me now. I might get to go to lagoon saturday if I can find someone to cover my shift... YAY! then I can have an even sunburn :D yay for farmer tans/ sunburns!

By Jeeves!

Hi all, I'm at work. pretending I'm working :D I just got back from a relaxing vacation to oregon. speaking of vacation in september I think we need to go on a road trip to ceader pointe. They just got a new roller coaster that gets upto 125 MPH and drops you almost straight down. :D :D :D I want to go. I read an online artical about it and a grown woman acctually peed her pants! hahaha, It will be like a mecca pilgramage for thill seekers. everyone is invited. I'm going and I think everyone else should go too. :D Joe this blog is mostly directed at you but I really want everyone else that can get it off to come also. I'm thinking about september 20ish sounds good.... any ideas anyone else?
I'm listening to my new fall out boy CD. I got it yeasterday at a new store I have fallen in love with has anyone been to FYE? It's freaking awosome. they have used CD's and new CD's but half the store is CD!! and its a big big store. we're not talking grey whale big I mean like, bestbuy big. :D it was exciting.Joe informed me that this week would be a bag time to come up so I'm thinking more about next week. I'll have to come up after work saturday though pretty late I dont get off until 9PM.
Also I bought some new toys recently. I'll take pictures for you when I get off work. I got a set of frying pans one of which I gave to my dad for fathers day and I also got....... and IPOD NANO! It's really cool. I'm stepping my way up to a full IPOD. I haven't got up the gumshoe to buy one. but its the next step up.
I'm still waiting for my bishop to give me an interview for my mission. I gave him my papers two months ago grrrr! He called me I think to set up an interveiw last week somtime but I was not available.......
I am incredibly happy with my new posistion at work. It is anti-stressful. there is almost never a time when I hate working here. I completely enjoy my job. I get to boss people around.
I have been trying to figure out how to do somthing with my phone, My dad told me I could download somthing that would let me use my phone as a modem and then connect to the internet on my laptop anywhere I had a signal I am completly interested but I cant make it work...... any ideas/ wisdom on the issue? well time to go back to pretending to do somthing. I'll post again tonight with pictures of my new toys

...and prepare them that they may shine forth in darkness

Somtimes I wonder where my line is. Everyone has a line of morals that they will not cross because they know it is somthing they can't forgive themselves for. Since the time I decided I was definatly going on a mission I have tested my line. I am at work right now and I wish I could just make the people around me stop talking. It was not really a bad conversation they were on but it definatly was a dirty one. I can leave and it's saturday so there isn't a lot to do. The saddest part about it all is there is a girl who is covering somones shift who is not usially on the CRM Team I had a crush on her since I got on this team but I lost a lot of respect for her today. I know she is LDS but she sure has a dirty sence of humor..... does that make me a jerk for thinking that way? I guess it does... lets move on.
Today overall has been a good day I got here at 8AM (thats 4 hours of overtime for me) and I am thinking about skipping my lunch. thats a big mabey though. I've worked about 5 minutes into it already so I might just keep going.
I am going to Oregon next wednessday to visit my brother and nephews. I'll take pictures for everyone. I am thinking about making a new pictorial blog. I can't decide if I should do that again or just put them on the words blog. lets take a poll what do you all think?
I took lunch just now. It's funny to me how time passes but in the blog you never know it has happened. wel... ok thats not entirely true I am on lunch but I did leave the building and come back with food. Smith has this obscure brand of chocolate doughnuts I got that and some milk. They aren't bad. They're not what I had thought they would be I was expecting them to be just like hostess doughnuts but they really are more like doughnut shaped cakes they're really.....fluffy? I don't know that is the right word for that. I am still listening o the bootleg MAE CD that toni and michelles friend made for me. I feel kind of hollow for never buying the CD. .... I guess I'll do that on monday. I just figured out why the Doughnuts are so soft. they are baked not deep fried. I suppose that makes quite a difference. I need to go back to working now I'll try to update soon but I dont make any promises