In all the plans we make for life, somtimes life has other plans for us.

as all of you know I will be leaving for RI in a few days. But as none of you know. this post will mark the last and final chapter of this blog. There are several entrys in this blog for which I hold great regret and several for which I hold nothing but warm regards. I have used this blog in a way to express my inner most feelings. For far too long I have ben a slave to my silence. For far too long I have abused myself silently waging war in my heart and my head over what to say and how to act. always wondering what other people are saying or thinking. Somtimes I think so much about what I should do that when the time comes to do it. I miss my chance because Im afraid I would only mess it up anyway. these are feelings that I do not want anymore. they are feelings that are prevoked by my constant need for approval from others. I mask it very well by just not talking somtimes but that doesn't help resolve the problem I fear in fact that it only makes it worse and it certianly makes it harder to deal with.. everything about this blog reminds me of these feelings. every time I check the comments only to find there are none only to find no one really felt the meaning of what I was trying to say it provokes feelings in me that I dont want or need to be feeling. not that it is your fault any of you but i would just as soon not have that sort of anxiety that fear of rejection or worse of indifference, so it is with a heavy heart that I tender the last few words that this blog will sound. good luck, and goodnight.