well I suppose its time to tell you all what I am doing.
The previous post was the mark of a turning point... I would like to tell you that I am not the same person I was before the post but... it would not be true I am not a changed person but I am a changing person. I have not gone to church in over two months. partly it was in my control... partly it was not. I am inclined to believe it was more my fault than anyone elses. I work on Sunday.. I dont want to .... dont get me wrong but I wanted to get a daytime shift and the only one available was a shift where I had to work on sunday. I accepted so it really is all on me.... (I have spent to long on that subject I think) with not going to church my general spirituallity has dropped. however last week I sang in church with the institue choir and I honestly thought about the words that I was singing.. "do I really believe this?" I didnt know. I could not have told you at that time whether or not anything my parents had taught me was true. so I stopped going to choir. For one week I slept in I didnt do anything really spiritual and I decided to go back on my previous conviction to go on a mission. (not that I havn't done that before) And I will tell you right now. I was hurting. physically and spiritually I was sick I never felt good. I hated myself and some old demons of my came back to haunt me. And of course my room was messier than ever. Jourdan (my roomate) challanged me to see if I could keep my room clean for at least a week... (he didnt think I could do it) So I clean up my room and re-arranged my furniture and I got to thinking how much better it made me feel so I started doing other things like getting into a morning routine (brushing my teeth, laying out my clothes, making my bed....etc) and as silly as that sounds I started feeling better about myself and started prying again. and started reading the scriptures again. and started going back to choir. then the day before yesterday (i think)... Before going to bed I prayed and asked if I should go on a mission. I asked God to make it blatently obvious for me since I was not any good at listening for answers. And the next morning before choir a guy named Chris stood up and pitched a recruiting ad for a company called APX Sercurity apperently this company goes out every summer and sells home security systems to different parts of the country. and Chris's team was goign to El Paso Texas he asked if anyone needed a summer job and said that I could make enough to more than pay for my mission (when I asked him about it later) . God answered my prayer in a very very obvious way to me. A good part of the reason I never went was because I could not pay for it. this was an answer.
Thats why Im not going to Cali with yall ..... sorry.. I would like to but this is much more importiant to me. I got the job and will be leaving April 24th for Texas. I wont be back until September 4th I dont know when UVSC's semester starts but umm if it started later than that then I would love to still go on a road trip!!! so ya... sorry to dissapoint... I am thinking about quiting Alorica a little early though and spending the week visiting friends and family since I'll most likely be leaving for my mission soon after I get back (like a month or what not) I havn't decided just yet... hmm
The previous post was the mark of a turning point... I would like to tell you that I am not the same person I was before the post but... it would not be true I am not a changed person but I am a changing person. I have not gone to church in over two months. partly it was in my control... partly it was not. I am inclined to believe it was more my fault than anyone elses. I work on Sunday.. I dont want to .... dont get me wrong but I wanted to get a daytime shift and the only one available was a shift where I had to work on sunday. I accepted so it really is all on me.... (I have spent to long on that subject I think) with not going to church my general spirituallity has dropped. however last week I sang in church with the institue choir and I honestly thought about the words that I was singing.. "do I really believe this?" I didnt know. I could not have told you at that time whether or not anything my parents had taught me was true. so I stopped going to choir. For one week I slept in I didnt do anything really spiritual and I decided to go back on my previous conviction to go on a mission. (not that I havn't done that before) And I will tell you right now. I was hurting. physically and spiritually I was sick I never felt good. I hated myself and some old demons of my came back to haunt me. And of course my room was messier than ever. Jourdan (my roomate) challanged me to see if I could keep my room clean for at least a week... (he didnt think I could do it) So I clean up my room and re-arranged my furniture and I got to thinking how much better it made me feel so I started doing other things like getting into a morning routine (brushing my teeth, laying out my clothes, making my bed....etc) and as silly as that sounds I started feeling better about myself and started prying again. and started reading the scriptures again. and started going back to choir. then the day before yesterday (i think)... Before going to bed I prayed and asked if I should go on a mission. I asked God to make it blatently obvious for me since I was not any good at listening for answers. And the next morning before choir a guy named Chris stood up and pitched a recruiting ad for a company called APX Sercurity apperently this company goes out every summer and sells home security systems to different parts of the country. and Chris's team was goign to El Paso Texas he asked if anyone needed a summer job and said that I could make enough to more than pay for my mission (when I asked him about it later) . God answered my prayer in a very very obvious way to me. A good part of the reason I never went was because I could not pay for it. this was an answer.
Thats why Im not going to Cali with yall ..... sorry.. I would like to but this is much more importiant to me. I got the job and will be leaving April 24th for Texas. I wont be back until September 4th I dont know when UVSC's semester starts but umm if it started later than that then I would love to still go on a road trip!!! so ya... sorry to dissapoint... I am thinking about quiting Alorica a little early though and spending the week visiting friends and family since I'll most likely be leaving for my mission soon after I get back (like a month or what not) I havn't decided just yet... hmm
posted by End User at 6:18 PM
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3 Comments:
Really? I mean, that's cool and all, but somewhat shocking. You Salt Lake people are full of surprises these days. If it's what you feel is best, then I'll support you in it. Sad for no Cali - but it'll work out. I hope you find what you're looking for. We'll definitely need some quality time before you go. It's not until Apr, so we've got bonfire opportunities. I'll be ok.
ok, sorry about the "toni" tony. But you know i know how to spell your name. Not that this post was necessary, but i thought i'd leave it anyway :) you can never have too many posts - just look at some of mine! and michelles for that matter. do you remember the comment wars of 2005? or somewhere around there? ok, well I'm done. Later!
Tony, I know we haven't talked in eons, but I do think... no i know you are doing the right thing. Its so hard when you get confused, and the advrisary is tugging at you. He makes the wrong things feel right and vice versa. Yet beneath it all, there is a knowledge. The light and dark, the right and wrong. Its there, And when we de-clutter our life (spiritually and physically) it is so much more apparent. Thanks for this post. You have given me more hope than I have felt in a long time. I'm going to clean my house now. Love you name stealer.
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